| Beer kills the weak brain cells. This is why you seem smarter when you drink. | I am not drunk. I'm just chemically off balance. | Need money for alcohol research. |
| You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. | Everyone needs something to believe in. I believe I need another beer. | One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. |
| I am not an alcoholic. I am drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. | Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? | My liver is evil and should be punished. |
| Could you come back in a few beers? | Instant idiot just add alcohol. | Take me drunk I'm home. |
| Also available in sober. | Re-hab is for quitters | Drunk 'n' Doughless |
| Beer belly under construction. | 60mg of prozac keep me going | Paraletic |
